Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
