This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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