Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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