i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
