Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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