when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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