She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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