You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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