The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
