Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
