yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
