sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
