Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Say something about gay babies.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
