I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
