DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
