Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
