New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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