ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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