he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
