i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
