FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
