So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
