this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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