My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
