Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
