I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
