Tell her she can't have a vagina
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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