i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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