so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
