that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
