she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
