Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You work out of a Hotel?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
