Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
