lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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