she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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