I'm gonna have a badass scar
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
