yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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