That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
