I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
