well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
