I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
