hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
