Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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