I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
