i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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