She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
