did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
