I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jerry, you need to find god
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
