all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
