The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
