I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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