I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
