He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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